Me: Kids! It’s bedtime! I don’t want to hear another peep out of you!

Two Year Old: Peep.

Two seasons of “The Great British Baking Show” and I still don’t quite have a handle on what is a “pudding.”

My son’s favorite sentences now all seem to start with “Well, actually….” Not quite four years old, and already questioning authority.

2yr Old: I broke my banana in my mouth!

Wife: That’s called biting.

My son talking about the eggs I made for breakfast: “The yolk is soft! It’s not runny like when you have to blow your nose!”

20mo-old: RAWR!

Me: Woah! Scary! Who let the dinosaur in here?

20 mo-old: I did! I did!

From the world of exactly-no-one-is-surprised, Cappuccino Potato Chips are truly horrible. #badeats

When your black cat gets into white paint and you’re cleaning paint swirls off the floor. #PepeLePew